Kate Has Something To "Say"

I worked with her on this a couple of times.



I taught my oldest this before his first birthday and it was so cute and then I didn't with the next ones. With Kate I thought it might be fun to try so I showed her literally a couple of times. Then didn't think much of it and I was talking with someone about her turning one blah blah and wouldn't you know it she was holding her finger up and saying yeah baby I am about to be ONE! I about fell over. So now we are constantly saying "Kate how old are you?" and she obliges.


My dear sweet Kate. You are turning one on November 18th I really can't believe it. I so remember those first few dark days and all I could think about was how awful your first birthday would be and how can I celebrate the worst day of my life. I know, you weren't even two days old! The process is long and painful but I believe that is how I got to this point, the point of celebrating you and be thankful you are in our lives and dare I say happy and joyful. For SO many months I swore I would never feel joy again and never be truly happy again. The depths of that breath taking pain has allowed me to savor the joy and it feels like joy I have never felt before. Although I must say I still cry, I have moments that buckle my knees but it has nothing to do with you Kate, it's the diagnosis for somehow in my heart's mind they are separate, although I know there is not one without the other. You make me happy, the diagnosis can make me sad and I think that is how it will be for awhile. But Baby I have come such a long way! I know it can be a tag line but it is TRUE you are so much more alike your brothers than different. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, you are exceeding expectations and we will never stop pushing, I promise you we will never accept. All my love.....

Something Big Is About To Go Down

I feel as though I have no time to write all these great posts that run through my head. But something big is about to happen at the Stephens' house and has to do with a little certain someone who turns one in a month.

We Believe~still

I walked into Cameron's room the other day and saw this.....
He prepared it for what was surely to come after he went to bed later that evening. It just made me smile, huge. I love the fact that he is 10 and still believes in the Tooth Fairy.





Then over the weekend we took the boys to IU our alma mater. We had the best day. The boys had so much fun walking around campus and at the game. What can I say, all the memories came flooding back like it was yesterday. And when I think back to the interviews, the essays written, when they all asked where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years.....I was close. Only it turned out so much better. We can't always predict the future or steer it the way we want, sometimes the things you would NEVER choose let alone predict happen. The measure of our fortitude is how we react to the circumstance. I can say with the utmost Jerry and my commitment has never wavered and the way my boys love only shows we've done something right. I can't predict the next 5 or 10 years nor do I want to. I am going to let Kate and the boys show me the way with their unbridled and unbiased passion. I just know it is going to be good.








Here a just a few quick pics of Kate and how she is growing!

It's That Time of Year

I love it, soccer season. Being a soccer player myself that stretched into my collegiate years I love that my boys love this sport. It is an active, quick moving sport with a definite beginning and end.











It is Owen's turn to shine. He has been asking since the other boys began their soccer in August "when I gonna start" "When is my soccer game?" Now Owen it's all about you and you shined in all of your glory and scored a hand full of goals.



We were so proud of you, how you listened to you coach and were such a good boy. But most of all, your smile, you were so proud of yourself. I loved that you were having fun because you are a kid and that is what your supposed to do, not a care in the world, it is always all about "the moment".



This how Kate has spent much of her time, at her brother's soccer games. Cheering them on as they do everyday for her. They are her biggest cheerleaders. They beam every time she rolls over, waves, gets on all fours and lurches forward. You should see their smiles, it's the same as when they score a goal. I dare anyone to find four boys who love a little girl more-impossible.


I can't leave out Will. As a kindergartner player on a first & second grade team he is the leading scorer. I know that sounds obnoxious but he is a PLAYER baby. And trust me one of the most important things I have learned because of Kate is that it is not all about winning, being great at everything, the best grades and most polite kids, it's about the entire person as a whole, quality, loving from the deepest part of your being and spreading that love and kindness. No judging we're all just surviving and if we score a few goals along the way well that is just icing on the cake baby.


Today was Owen's "official" first day of preschool. He was underwhelmed to say the least. I agree, very anti climatic to the big boys first day.


Here is to Owen, our up and coming little soccer player. Who gave it his all and had a blast. We could not ask for anything more.

In The Blink of the Eye

They are in the 5th, 3rd & Kindergarten respectively. I cannot believe it is all happening so fast right before my eyes. Really Kate is 9 months old, closing in on a year!





Today was my boys' first day of school. They are SO excited. We walked to school weighed down by new backpacks loaded with really cool school supplies and all in their new shoes. Lunches neatly packed in new lunch boxes with all of their favorites and secret handwritten messages from their Mama that will bring sly smiles to their sweet faces. I just want their first day to be great.

Cameron my big 5th grader!


Jack all of 8 and in the 3rd grade


My sweet Will is going into that BIG school but as you can see he is ready, not sure if I am.






I just love this time of year, how it signals the changing of seasons and all of the fun and good that is just around the corner. I love sensing jean and sweater weather is on the horizon and with that comes chilly soccer games, friday night high school football and leaves, leaves and more leaves. But all of this right now at this moment makes me realize time is clipping away at an amazing speed and my time with them is fleeting and every word said and every moment created is so important.

A long Rambling Overdue Post

Where to begin.....I have gone from the high of highs to the low of lows and am just now starting to find my way to surface again.
We had an awesome family vacation to our favorite spot in Florida. We stayed in the same darling house we always stay in, in fact the same house that over one year ago found out I was pregnant. Back then I was much surprised to say the least and not as happy as I would have liked especially knowing how everything turned out. You see that is one of my battles. I was NEVER genuinely happy over my entire pregnancy. Some of it was because I knew I would get the "going for the girl", "don't you know how this happens", "wow five" comments and then the funky blood work to every ultrasound even the level II's that were ALL CLEAR, but still something nagging me an out of place number 1 in 100. Never before with the boys but maybe this was a girl. I tried to shake it but never could. I digress...I thought I would be so sad going back to where it all started but I wasn't not a single tear was shed. It was a good week. We did all of our favorite things but this time we had Kate and we had fun.





























After arriving home I had a little bit of a let down but moving on to Will's pirate party. It was fun, his first real party with his real friends that he made.







She waves my friends and it is the cutes thing ever. Her palm turned in toward her face and she crunches her three middle chubby fingers up and down, three time-exactly.

The reason for my tailspin is an eerily similar birth to mine in the extended family. The outcome for them was different than mine, it was good and happy and what mine should have been, what everybody assured me mine would be. This has absolutely nothing to do with wishing they had a different outcome this was just pure reflection, tear the barely healing scabs right off my own birth story all over again, as if it was the day I had her only there was no dulling by shock and pain meds. Just raw, gut wrenching, on the floor crying and heaving sobbing till I didn't have any breath remembering. Nothing could help me, not knowing how well Kate is doing and how far she has come, nothing I just had to go through it.

The Best Is Yet To Come

We just arrived back home after a great and much needed vacation. I have so much to share, so many beautiful photos of the littles and to say my I have come so far.......