I Love Her

Not much in the way of words for this post. Mostly pictures. I can't find the appropriate words to describe how normal I feel. Kate has just become so much fun, her personality is really taking off, she is showing off new skills everyday and working hard to get new ones too. I believe we are on the precipice of walking. She is now taking two independent steps and getting braver by the attempt, and she senses she is about to accomplish something big too.



The girl loves to swing. She gets mad when she thinks it's over, it makes all of us laugh.












I had spent the better half of last year "waiting for my life to change". That is what I expected when I had Kate and received her diagnosis and that is also what well meaning people told me too. "Plan B", "readjust your dreams" ect.... Well I can't say when I came to this point but I know my life hasn't changed and it is certainly not over! This girl is every bit of the toddler I dreamed of, curious, demanding, loving, needy, trying to do things herself, happy, sad, teething, she has brought me so much more joy than I ever could have imagined. I am so okay with taking one day at a time now, I'll deal with the future when it comes.

I love her.

Wow, it's been a while

I think about my blog everyday. We have all sorts of interesting things going on but I just can't seem to carve out the time to post. I guess we have just been living life and that sense of normalcy that I thought I would never feel again seems to suit me just fine. We had a great vacation over spring break (I know ages ago).



We all had so much fun in Florida.













The boys are still crazy about her. They literally rock, paper, sissor to see who gets to sit next to her in the car. I am not kidding. Then I have to say on the way back you get to sit next to her and on our next errand you get to sit next to her blah blah blah. I don't mind that kind of arguing.





Kate is now 18 months old. I can't believe it, I just can't. She was an amazing 34" tall and 28 lbs!!! Yes that is correct she is 97% on the typical growth chart. Size 6 shoe. She has had two haircuts-basically to even out her baby mullet. She is doing big things from ring stackers, stacking blocks, making animal sounds, like woof, woof and buzzzzz, she is so close to walking. She can get into standing in the middle of the floor all by herself, crawls up and down stairs. The other day she picked up the remote and pointed it at the TV, I thought that was so funny. She readily blows kisses and says "hi" to people. You should see the look on their faces, priceless. She can self feed with a spoon (pretty messy). So we are making strides into toddlerhood. She has just become so much fun. She loves baby dolls. Early on I wondered if she would like dolls, how silly. She rocks them, pats them on the back, she pretend feeds them with a toy spoon and bottle. It is all so sweet. One of her most favorite things to do right now is try to put any article of clothing she finds on the ground on. I find her crawling around with the boys shorts or underwear around her neck. Sounds dangerous but it is pretty funny.


This is the dress Kate wore for Easter. It was my dress. This dress is 34 years old! I wore it when I was 3. I can't figure out if I was just really small or the dress shrunk or Kate is huge.


So now school is out and the boys are home for summer and our life has returned to lazy days at the pool, swim meets, soccer & baseball games. Kate loves hanging out at her brothers games and it will be so fun to see what she decides to do.

Show and Tell

My son Will is in kindergarten. All year he has anticipated the day he would finally have his turn for show and tell. Without any hesitation, with the biggest, proudest smile on his darling face he announced he wanted to "share" Kate. So I called his teacher and with blessed permission Will showed off his perfect, beautiful baby sister to his class.



She was a hit. He proudly told the class her name, how old she was, how many teeth she had and Kate showed off a few of her standard tricks. She showed how old she was, stood on command and one short game of peek-a-boo.




Then like the pro of a big brother that he is he fielded an array of questions from his classmates. All the while he had THE biggest, happiest smile on his face. He just loves her so.....and in those moments I know something good has come of this, some piece of my boys' hearts flexes and grows in ways that only she can strengthen.

A Funk

Maybe it is the weather, it has been so cold and snowy for so long. Whatever the reason I am in a funk. Not good because all I do is kick around crazy ideas and "what ifs" and "if onlys" , "why me", "why not me", you get the picture.

Our calendar is starting to fill up with all kinds of sports and activities for the boys, everyone is healthy, they are such good little students, Kate is doing well and is healthy but............I should be content but.....

I think it is just the down syndrome process, the healing. Instead of crying everyday (this time last year) to once a week, to a couple times a month to many really good days strung together, there is a natural let down. I have been on a high for what seems like several months her birthday, Christmas & New Years now it is a low phase, not crying, not sadness, just going through the motions kind of phase.

But the weather around here is a changing and I feel my mood may follow soon.

The Christmas That Came and Went

Where does the time go? I cannot believe the rate it is clipping by at this point in my life. It seems like yesterday the school year was starting and we were looking forward to fall, football games and jeans. Now we are saying goodbye to another year. Another year, my littles are only getting bigger, Cameron is 10 and is inching closer to the end of his time with us than the beginning. It's so cliche but it is going by SO fast.

I want to freeze time, I love all the ages of my children right now. Granted I cover a wide rage with five kids and all but who doesn't love 1- and all of the personality that it is revealing, 4- the curious mind of a sweet child, 6- how inquisitive and excited to learn, 8- the ultimate boy age when all is good with a football jersey and matchbox cars and 10- the wonder years.



Miss Kate caught in the act. I was dying laughing. She was trying to get in the gifts under the tree and I told her "no" and this is what she does. It makes me laugh so hard..... she does not like being told no.


She recovered nicely.

A little montage of Christmas Eve. I love Christmas Eve and all the excitement and promise of the next day. I love how at our church we all gather for candle lit service (check it here http://www.mariemontchurch.org/mccj/mcc-history) at our chapel. Which was shipped over from England in pieces back in the 1920's. Not to mention we were married in this chapel. I live in a village called Mariemont and it was one of the first "planned community" in the United States. It is truly a special, special place.

Anyway I digress. After "Santa" came and the big elves got to bed about 1:30 I was awaken to my stomach. Tossing and Turning. Yes that awful feeling of the stomach flu. I was miserable and sick as a dog all of Christmas but the kids had a blast and according to them the best Christmas ever! It did give me the slightest pleasure hearing the beautiful white noise, you know after all of the gifts are opened and each child is neatly stacking their piles and deciding which toy to play with, they all want Daddy to open "this", put batteries into "that".........

Hence no pictures of the actual Christmas experience that makes me sad. Daddy did manage to shoot some video but no photos.




Check out this view! I am not talking about our back yard either, although Kate is taking great pleasure in looking out at it. Her little, chunky monkey body cracks me up. Look at her legs. In all seriousness it scares me a little, I am hoping since she is becoming more and more active she will you know slim down, tone up. Whatever, this is actually exactly like boy 1 and boy 3-who she favors all the way around.



It is beginning to seem more like normal now that she is roaming around and wants to be everywhere I am. This is going to be a fun stage, I am looking forward to it, I am up for the challenge and can't wait to see what this year holds.

We Celebrated Kate

One of my very first thoughts after Kate was born was "this will never be a good day, how am I ever going to want to celebrate this day?" She was only a few hours old and I was already jumping to her first birthday. Well time has a way of healing. While I try to not remember that day as a sad one, it was. It just was for me. I can't go back and change those feelings or the way I remember them or even the ache in my heart when I recall her birth.

But time. Oh it does have a way with sadness & heartache. As with any major life changing event there is a process one must go through to arrive healthy on the other side. If steps are missed, skipped over, pushed down to the deepest corner of your soul then you aren't going to arrive to that "better" place. Everyone's steps are different, some are short, quick strides while others are long and lingering. We are all different and we have to go through OUR process. It can be frustrating when you think you see others arrive there before you. But you can't rush a good thing.

Well I arrived a short while ago. I am in such a better place than I imagined I would be. I do still have sad, painful moments. I do still hate down syndrome. But I love Kate more.

So we celebrated! We celebrated Kate's arrival and first year of life and my arrival too!

This is a note we enclosed with the invitations.



HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY KATE! WE ALL LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH.

So I had a huge party. I had a party to celebrate a wonderful, beautiful life and to thank all those who helped us welcome Kate when we were not able to do it as well as we would have liked. For all of the support, the kind & encouraging words, prayer, meals, meals, meals (I had meals from November-March), the wonderful gifts. But for most of all loving my girl, my boys and the whole family. I live in a very special community, I am blessed by my friends, by people who have done work for me, by my church.

I invited family (of course), friends, pastors, doctors, nurses, EI therapists all who have touched our lives this past year and helped us get to where we are today. There were over 100 guests at Kate's party (adults only). We celebrated how we are all so much more than alike than different.

She loves to show everyone how old she is. Needless to say we have overdone the "how old are you Kate?"









At one year old Kate is clapping, waving hi & bye, has two signs "more" and "all done", can identify the color red, she points, she points out the sun in a certain book. She can point to my nose and my eyes, she can show me her belly and toes. She is self feeding, drinks from a straw, eats table food & drinks whole milk, babbles, says dada (a lot, no mama), hi, bye & that (which sounds like dhat). If I ask her "where is Daddy?" she looks for him. She is crawling, standing (not independently). She doesn't like to be told NO. I know there is plenty she can't do but I choose to focus on what she is doing....

She is a BIG girl. Weighing in at 25 lbs and 31 inches tall! These stats put her at the 95th percentile on a typical chart.







Have I said lately how I love this girl and she loves me......

Kate Has Something To "Say"

I worked with her on this a couple of times.



I taught my oldest this before his first birthday and it was so cute and then I didn't with the next ones. With Kate I thought it might be fun to try so I showed her literally a couple of times. Then didn't think much of it and I was talking with someone about her turning one blah blah and wouldn't you know it she was holding her finger up and saying yeah baby I am about to be ONE! I about fell over. So now we are constantly saying "Kate how old are you?" and she obliges.


My dear sweet Kate. You are turning one on November 18th I really can't believe it. I so remember those first few dark days and all I could think about was how awful your first birthday would be and how can I celebrate the worst day of my life. I know, you weren't even two days old! The process is long and painful but I believe that is how I got to this point, the point of celebrating you and be thankful you are in our lives and dare I say happy and joyful. For SO many months I swore I would never feel joy again and never be truly happy again. The depths of that breath taking pain has allowed me to savor the joy and it feels like joy I have never felt before. Although I must say I still cry, I have moments that buckle my knees but it has nothing to do with you Kate, it's the diagnosis for somehow in my heart's mind they are separate, although I know there is not one without the other. You make me happy, the diagnosis can make me sad and I think that is how it will be for awhile. But Baby I have come such a long way! I know it can be a tag line but it is TRUE you are so much more alike your brothers than different. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, you are exceeding expectations and we will never stop pushing, I promise you we will never accept. All my love.....