A long Rambling Overdue Post

Where to begin.....I have gone from the high of highs to the low of lows and am just now starting to find my way to surface again.
We had an awesome family vacation to our favorite spot in Florida. We stayed in the same darling house we always stay in, in fact the same house that over one year ago found out I was pregnant. Back then I was much surprised to say the least and not as happy as I would have liked especially knowing how everything turned out. You see that is one of my battles. I was NEVER genuinely happy over my entire pregnancy. Some of it was because I knew I would get the "going for the girl", "don't you know how this happens", "wow five" comments and then the funky blood work to every ultrasound even the level II's that were ALL CLEAR, but still something nagging me an out of place number 1 in 100. Never before with the boys but maybe this was a girl. I tried to shake it but never could. I digress...I thought I would be so sad going back to where it all started but I wasn't not a single tear was shed. It was a good week. We did all of our favorite things but this time we had Kate and we had fun.





























After arriving home I had a little bit of a let down but moving on to Will's pirate party. It was fun, his first real party with his real friends that he made.







She waves my friends and it is the cutes thing ever. Her palm turned in toward her face and she crunches her three middle chubby fingers up and down, three time-exactly.

The reason for my tailspin is an eerily similar birth to mine in the extended family. The outcome for them was different than mine, it was good and happy and what mine should have been, what everybody assured me mine would be. This has absolutely nothing to do with wishing they had a different outcome this was just pure reflection, tear the barely healing scabs right off my own birth story all over again, as if it was the day I had her only there was no dulling by shock and pain meds. Just raw, gut wrenching, on the floor crying and heaving sobbing till I didn't have any breath remembering. Nothing could help me, not knowing how well Kate is doing and how far she has come, nothing I just had to go through it.